NOW I KNOW, I KNOW WHY YOU’RE
ALL SO HAPPY.
BECAUSE YOU’RE ALL CELEBRATING
THE FACT THAT TODAY WAS NATIONAL
FAST FOOD DAY HERE IN AMERICA.
(APPLAUSE)
YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE
THINKING AM ARE YOU LIKE WHAT, I
ACCIDENTLY CELEBRATED THAT THE
LAST 364 DAYS.
>>YOU FLOW WHEN THE BIG FAST
FOOD CHAINS ARE COMING OUT WITH
NEW ITEMS.
IN FACT, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU
SAW, THIS ARBY’S HAS RECENTLY
TRIED TO MIX IT UP BY
INTRODUCING A NEW VEN I SON
BURGER WHICH IS MADE
OUT– VENISON BURGER MADE OUT OF
DEER MEATS.
I KNOW, FINALLYK VENISON ON THE
GO, IT’S CRAZY HOW OFTEN I’M
DRIVING AROUND GOING OH, WHERE
CAN I GET SOME VENISON RIGHT
NOW.
AND LET ME GUESS, THEY COST ONE
BUCK.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, ALL MY OWN
WORK THAT, THANK YOU.
(APPLAUSE)
NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING BUT THIS
WAS ACTUALLY REALLY POPULAR.
THEY COMPLETELY SOLD OUT, RIGHT?
BUT AN EMPLOYEE FROM ARBY’S SAID
WE’LL HAVE MORE DEER BURGERS
JUST AS SOON AS WE CAN GET THE
MEAT BACK FROM THE HIGHWAY, I
MEAN THE WAREHOUSE.
THE WAREHOUSE.
YOU’RE DEFINITELY NOT EATING
ROADKILL SANDWICHES.
BUT I’M WORRIED ABOUT THIS
TREND, I AM.
I FEEL LIKE I’M GOING TO GO INTO
ARBIES FOR THE VENISON BUGGER
ARE AND THE CASHIER IS GOING TO
MAKE ME A SHADY OFFER LIKE, PSST
, YOU WANT TO EAT A RYES NO
RUSS?
— — RHINOCEROS, I CAN GET YOU
A RHINOCEROS.
I KNOW, NO, I DON’T.
LIKE IT’S EVEN REMOTELY POSSIBLE
TO HAVE A RHINOCEROS INSIDE YOUR
JACKET.
BUT IF YOU THINK THE VENISON
BUGGER ARE ISN’T FOR YOU,
MCDONALD’S IS UNVEILING
SOMETHING CALLED A NUTELLA
BURGER AT ITS LOCATIONS IN
ITALY.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
THIS GOES AGAINST THE
TRADITIONAL WAY OF EATING
NUTELLA WHICH IS WITH TWO
FINGERS IN THE DARK WHILE CRYING
AT THREE A.M.
NOW FAST FOOD IS IMPORTANT TO A
LOT OF PEOPLE.
IN FACT, IT’S IMPORTANT ENOUGH
THAT A WOMAN IN NEW YORK
RECENTLY SUED KFC BECAUSE HER
BUCKET OF CHICKEN WASN’T AS FULL
AS IT WAS DEPICTED IN THE AD.
THE HONESTLY, AND SHE’S EWING
THEM FOR $20 MILLION.
THIS IS THE FIRST PERSON WHO HAS
EATEN AN ENTIRE BUCKET OF KFC
AND WAS LIKE, THAT WASN’T
ENOUGH.
AND SHE SAYS THAT SHE’S ANGRY
THAT THE BUCKET IN THE AD WASN’T
REALISTIC, RIGHT?
DOES THIS WOMAN UNDERSTAND HOW
ADVERTISING WORKS?
MOM, IF YOU ARE WATCHING,
GECKO’S CAN’T ACTUALLY TALK.
NOW KFC GAVE HER THEIR
COUNTEROFFER WHICH WAS, AND THIS
IS TRUE, $70 IN FREE KFC
CHICKEN.
AND I WANT TO SAY TO THIS WOMAN,
TAKE THE DEAL.
THERE IS NO WAY YOU’RE GETTING
THE 20 MILLION AND THAT CHICKEN
IS DELICIOUS.
BUT PERHAPS THE CRAZIEST MOST
UNBELIEVABLE STORY TO COME OUT
OF NATIONAL FAST FOOD DAY HAS
GOT TO BE THE ONE THAT HAS COME
OUT OF RUSSIA WHERE BURGER KING
JUST DEBUTED A NEW ITEM IN HONOR
OF OUR PRESIDENT-ELECT CALLED
THE TRUMP BURGER.
IT COMES WITH A VERY SPICEY
SAUCE, ONION RINGS AND
JALAPENOS, JUST LIKE TRUMP’S
ELECTION, IT’S REALLY HARD TO
SWALLOW.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
BUT THE TRUMP BURGER IS ONLY A
PARTIAL– IT WON’T GRAB YOU BY
THE [BLEEP] BUT IT WILL RAMPAGE
OUT OF YOUR ASS.
THANK YOU.
CHEESIER’S GUYS.
THAT’S IT WE’LL SEE YOU
TOMORROW, GOOD NIGHT, THANK YOU.




Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *